You know that nanosecond when you visualize someone naked when you shouldn’t have?That nanosecond when everything slides and falls down like an avalanche and when the glacier falls down on you,you feel terribly trapped and alone?Or that nanosecond when everything feels bearable,like perhaps you can melt those ice away with your cigarette lighter and find your way to natural light?
These nanoseconds have been turning into a long chain of my day recently.Sometimes,things feel alright.Everything is in place,like sometimes when you are back from a long day,you sit in the car and you stare at the traffic lights changing colors in the horizon,and you think,I never want to do anything else ever again.
I want to sit here in my dad’s car with this Aurora looking lit sky,and watch the traffic lights change colors forever.
I want to sit on this park bench and watch sweaty joggers forever with Explosions In the Sky playing
I want to sit comfortably and horribly positioned in my room and read Ha Jin forever.
I want to curled up in a fetal position and talk to my sister forever.
And then,things change.
The traffic starts to move.
It starts to rain and the joggers have to go home and so do you.
Ha Jin ended.
And your sister left.
Then you hear the sound of the avalanche,coming down,preparing to bury you 6 feet deep.Then you had another nanosecond,and for a nanosecond,you pictured things will be alright.Because you pictured yourself laughing,your eyes slit like two half oranges.Things are going to be bearable.