It is more comforting for me if the future is only about flying around with jet packs,or cooking a hologram rice that can last for three meals or having a phone that can iron your clothes and tell you you have a pretty face.But it isn’t. The future,for me,it means the next phase I’m going into.And right now,I can’t help but have some involuntary muscle movements on my limbs and feel like a Multiple Sclerosis patient because I am nervous as fuck for the future.This phase I’m going into is a scary one.I have always thought of myself as someone who doesn’t mind change,and change is for the better.I mean,Obama,right?
I guess wise people do mean something when they say “You won’t really know what to do unless you’re really put in a situation,because at that point of time,all character and principles are defied.”
Let me explain in layman terms.
You are a staunch vegan,and you do not eat meat for shit.Then one day you lost your way and you’re in the fucking Amazon.You are dying of hunger and beyond the dying light,you saw a hare.You pounced on that shit,ignoring what your vegan friends would say about you,ignoring what 3 months ago you would say about you.While boiling the fat of the hare,you think to yourself “Man oh man,what have I become?”
Same thing applies for me.I didn’t really know how much I hate and despise and detest the idea of change and unfamiliarity,until my sister left.Everything changed.One person less to serve,one less human voice on the dining table,one less occupied room,and no one for me to turn to.Ever since then,whenever things start to change,I would hold on to it.Such horrible timing,for I am going into college now.
And when I was choosing my combinations for my college,I started to think what degree do I want to pursue.I had only three in mind.
1.Architecture(which is sort of out of my list now,but fuck it,I love architecture,that’s why it’s here.)
I wanted to study architecture since I was 15.It was the only thing I wanted to do.It was perfect,I love buildings,the way the shadows of the pillars fall aslant on the pavements a humble architect named Mr Chan built with his own hands,the way people look up and wonder how do those marble stones go up on the ceilings,the atoms of the buildings,how much of a beautiful mind it takes to create something out of nothing,how the shapes of the windows can affect the entire air ventilation system,point is,I love architecture.But I do not plan to be an architect.Why?
Let me paint you a picture of what it would be like if I were a female architect 20 years later.
My name is Yaner,and I’m an architect.Currently,I’m molding Styrofoam trees for the latest project.It’s my seventh month here and Artemis,my boss still have not given me a role in the latest project.They’re building this gallery for a Kia showroom,which I do not quite understand because everyone has no cars and every breathing human being has a jetpack now,of which I cannot afford due to my rubbish pay.I just got off facebook on my mobile and Im feigning exhaustion while checking my phone every 2 minutes when I stretch because I have nothing to do but I am not allowed to go on Facebook because it is unprofessional.Currently,I’m talking to this accountant name Ryan.He is in a band named The Debit and asked me to check out his gig for the 4th time,I have to turn it down again because I’m caught up in work,which means no work because I have none.I’m planning to quit next month because that’s when my pay comes in and insurance covered.Then,I’ll try to look online for a site which needs an illustrator because I like illustrating things.
As for Journalism,I am considering this because I like reading,researching on things and I love writing shit that makes me sound like a self righteous asshole.And also,I’m okay with selling out and write about things against my will.I’m very ashamed for admitting that because not very long ago,I was against the idea of selling out especially when it comes to making art.And once again,the vegan and hare theory applies for this.
Let me paint you a picture of what it would be like if I were a female journalist 20 years later.
I am Yaner,ad I’m a journalist.Currently,I’m interviewing this jerk name Adrian.He made his first million for making a name for himself by being the first man to sell biodegradable jetpacks,of which I cannot afford with the rubbish money I’m being paid.He is a smart man who talks alot of bullshit about saving the earth and the polar bears (which i doubt still exist) but he littered when he threw his cigarette pack on the floor.I didn’t say anything because it will cost the interview.I’m trying to submit my works to Mcsweeney’s and Huffington Post.They’re all unreplied. I’ve taken on three different identities and email addresses so I wouldn’t come off as deperate and needy.I guess I just wasn’t good enough.I’m seeing this guy who works in the same publishing place as I am.He just got laid off because he couldn’t meet the datelines once too many times,and also he’s writing shit.I’m going to dump him soon because he has no money to support me and my artistic needs to write.
As for Law,I’m considering this,because it is a flexible degree.Is it easy?No.Do I like it?No,I don’t give a fuck about justice.Why am I doing this?Because it’s flexible.Will I work hard for it? It depends.
Let me paint you a picture of what it would be like if I were a person who ventured out into some shit because I have a law degree 20 years later.
I honestly have no idea.
Right now,I am aware I am the only one who can change all these things that are about to happen to me.Things don’t have to take a bad turn,nor a good turn.I could be happy,if I make the best out of it and prevent bullshit to happen.But what’s the best combination? I do not know.Will I know it in the future?I do not know. Will I be able to afford a jet pack,maybe even a biodegradable one with a non rubbish pay? Will I make my parents proud? and perhaps they will stop thinking I want to take life as it is and be carefree,because I want to push harder than usual this time.Will I be able to own a bar named Bang! Bang! after all? I am going to make sure those happen in the future,because right now only I can change my own future,even if it means feeling like a Multiple Sclerosis patient.