Things I’ve Learnt in 2012

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1.To be independent. I may like to think of myself as someone who can think for herself and others,but I really do rely alot on people.Not everyone,but selected people who I have decided I’ll be safer and more comfortable with when I’m under their looming shadows.I don’t rely on people who I know I’ll crash and burn with.Sometimes,they will end up relying on me and I’ll be their looming shadows.It’s a cycle.I have learnt I do have the capability to be independent and let others rely on me.By the end of the day,you can’t rely on others when you want to make something right.

 

2. I can’t paint the way I used to anymore.I can’t write the way I used to anymore.When I was 10,I would write or paint about love,nice people and things I like.When I was 12,I started to paint darker things.It took alot of sad incidents to create something.It was as if the seed of the spectrum of beauty is calamity.My sister told me she loved my paintings but she wants me to find peace and happiness.I didn’t think it was possible,a very long time ago.Recently when I picked up a pen,I realize,I can’t draw the way I used to anymore,because I care.I didn’t care about the things I drew last time.I just wanted to forget,I wanted the sadness to stop.Now,there isn’t any sadness left to paint for.So I can’t draw anymore.I was abit saddened by that fact,but I never felt better because I have finally found this peace I have been trying very hard to reach out to.

 

3.Just because you act a certain way,doesn’t mean you have to succumb to a certain categorization in society.In other words,I have learnt that labels and stereotypes are just,labels and stereotypes.Doing something you don’t like repeatedly doesn’t define you.Your personality,your quirk,the way you talk to your parents,the lines on your palms,they define you.As an adolescent,I have been trying very hard to find my place in this world.Am I the enigmatic hipster chick or am I the life of the party or am I a wallflower or a ne’er do well juvenile delinquent? Does this skin fit me better than the other? It has dawned upon me,we aren’t who we are.We are the mixture of the things that happened to us,the people we hang around with,and the movies and books we read.No one really knows who they are.You can be 40 and still have a hat phase,you can be 53 and still realize you like gardening more than playing the goddamn guitar when you have been playing “El Dorado” every night before you sleep.You define yourself.

 

4.You don’t need a certain someone to make you happy.I’ve learnt this only very recently.Around September I have been all mopey because I was single (probably because I was watching too much Awkward and don’t have two guys fighting over me).But now I have realized,you don’t need a boyfriend or a subject of affection to feel happy.You don’t need someone to watch Tropic Thunder on rainy afternoons to feel contented.After I discovered this,whenever I watch rom coms and the male lead says shit like “You’ve been the puzzle to my missing piece whatever shit about puzzles and void” Anyway,he said to the female lead that she fills up the void in his life.And I thought to myself,you poor poor man.If you need certain circumstances and a certain someone to make you happy,how can you be happy when things change?

 

5.Cynicism brings you nowhere.This may seem like a shocker to tons of my friends out there because I have been a total cyn!c@L b!TcH throughout high school,well the best years of my high school at least.I scoff at people who had faith,I give people who think love will last a condescending smirk like “Oh you have no idea what you’re talking about.” But here’s the thing.Who am I to be all bitchy? Who am I to tell them “NO LOVE DOES NOT LAST YOU FOOL.”?Who am I to tell them they will get hurt by the end of the day? Who am I to tell them to think with their head and not their heart? Who am I to laugh at people who quote after movies like Yes Man? Maybe I am a bitter feeling hare inside. Nahhhhh. The whole cynical thing is okay for awhile.Sometimes I feel annoyed at my own bitterness,like God,watch some Whoopi Goldberg movies will ya!!!

 

6.No one is a unique snowflake. I learnt this from reading Perks Of Being A Wallflower.I know they highlighted Charlie’s quirks and eccentricity or whatnot,which hit me.Everyone is an equal.We are all the same.We eat,sleep,shit and drink beer sometimes.Some people think they are so fucking special because they read a Virginia Woolf book or heard the new Grizzly Bear’s single before others have.There are 7 billion people in this

I realize I was being cynical again,SORRY.Anyway,have a happy happy new year,take 2013 by the reins and own this bitch!

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