I’d like to say I lack hindsight,but that’s just because I’m dishonest.I’d like to say I feel like everything is in the right place and that I’m contented,but that’s just because I don’t know how to structure my sentence and it’s too much of a pain to tell you how I feel.I’d like to say You’re The Closest I Feel To Heaven,but that’s just because I heard that line before and I want to say I Love You but I don’t love you,and I want to say something that will warm you up inside and pierce you with sunrays,but I don’t know how.
But honestly,I’m selfish.I have a 20/20 hindsight but I don’t care about consequences.Maybe I have a 20/20 hindsight for that,but I don’t have a 20/20 hindsight for my hindsight.Does that make any fucking sense?And if I have a way with words and can structure my setences like how IKEA can put together a sofa,I’ll tell you I have no soul,but instead I have a hole.And everyday I go to this hole.I’d hide in this hole until I get tired,and somedays when things feel a little bit alright,I climb out of the hole and look at the 5.40 pm sunset.If I want to say I Love You but I don’t actually do,but I knew the way to,I’d say things like “I Like You Enough To Want To Set Everything You Hate On Fire.”,”I Like You Enough To Get Into Massive Trouble”,”I Like You Enough To Tie My Shoe Around You So I Can Waste More Time With You”.”I Like You Enough To Want To Watch The 5.40PM Sunset With You”.But I don’t like you enough to get out of this hole.And I will hurt your feelings because the closest I’ve ever felt to heaven was when I fell asleep to the chatter of a bunch of Asian tourists on an Egyptian cruise.Because the 2nd closest I’ve ever felt to heaven was listening to The Weepies with my best friend on her bed.Because the 3rd closest I’ve ever felt to heaven was watching sweaty joggers in the sun quietly from a bench.
But so what about this hindsight that I pretend to not have?
So what about “I Like You Enough To”s?
So what about this hole?
The world still spins madly on.