I Want To Be An Atom

I want to be your cigarette.The first cigarette you bought when you’re 14.I want to be the creases on your sheets on that night you were no longer a virgin.I want to be the heroine that runs into your bloodstream,with your white blood cells,red blood cells,plasma and platelets,enter into the kaleidescope of your body system.I want to be the rain that made you fall sick because I’m going to hurt you anyway and I might as well hurt you by giving you a cold and giving you the need to go to a doctor who would put the cold of the  stethoscope piece on your room temperature body to listen to your heartbeat.I want to be heartbeat of a thousand marathon runners because that’s how I feel when you say something nice to me.Or the sphygmomanometer the doctor will wrap around your wrist when you’re 50,compressing your skin to see how the blood gushes in the kaleidescope of your body system like how an ocean would kiss the shorelines or how the tsunami happened in Indonesia in 2004.Skin,I want to be the skin you shed when you are done with melancholy.Skin,I want to know about the skin you kissed again and again on that night.Blood,I want to be that drop of blood you first shed when you had your first cut mark.I want to be that razor blade which poked through your skin.And we’re back to skin.I want to wear your sadness like a skin,I want to weave your hopes and dreams and ask you to tuck yourself in with me and we’ll be under the covers like a Shroud Of Turin.I want to wear your thoughts like my best pair of jeans.Acid washed thoughts,just like the jeans I can’t afford off Topshop.I want to be the thread,the thread that was woven on the cape you wore when you felt quixotic.I’d wear it with you.And you don’t need a new cape anymore because I’ll wash it for you.Everyday of the week.I want to be the light you woke up to in 4.35am when you were in the limbo of your sleep.I want to be the ashtray in the home you dreamt up.Holding up the ashes for you,I want to be an atom,a molecule.I want to be anything but me.I want to wear another skin,because I’m tired.I’m very tired of this one.


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